It's been a good year.

So I haven’t written a blog in a long time and I apologize for that. Over the last month and a half I’ve been trying my hand at managing the women’s center for St. Vincent de Paul, while looking for a job and a place to live out here in the bay area. So I’ve been pretty busy. It feels like a lot has happened since the last time I wrote a blog. There will be a new JV coming to St. Vincent’s and taking my spot as the Homeless Court Coordinator. In addition to that there will be a new women’s center supervisor. So changes are happening on this end. There were a few things I wanted to talk about the finishing up of a year of service and working at St. Vincent’s. Some of which I’ve said before, I’m sure.

This has been a year of joys and heartaches, on many different levels for me. I’ve seen miracles and I’ve seen things I would never care to see again. I can say as I look back on this year I definitely lived this year of my life to the extreme. I pushed myself to my absolute limits trying to do everything I could to live the best way I knew how. Trying to help people here at St. Vincent’s, be a good community member to my housemates, and try to live up to my own personal expectations of myself. But the thing I realized is it’s best to throw your expectations out the window, and JVC told me this coming into this year. Which is good advice because whatever expectations were dreamed up in my head a year ago about working a job across the country, and living with people I’ve never met before, were just that dreams. The reality of it was much different.

So that was a big thing I learned this year was that you never know what’s coming. Whatever you can imagine the future to be, chances are it will be much different. Thank god because I was pretty scared coming out here and imagined some pretty tough situations that I might have run into. But it also leaves me less afraid of the future and what might happen so I’m more able to open myself to new experiences. Anyways this is a lot of talking about myself, which I tend to do sometimes. But I wanted to sign off with a quote from Abraham Lincoln that says, "The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time." I’ve found that to be so true this year. I’ve found that it’s never useful cower in front of “what-ifs”. It’s much better to take them on like it doesn’t matter. And that’s it for me.

~Mike

Rants and Raves

Over the course of the last few weeks I’ve begun to apply for jobs and I am beginning to understand what a challenge it is to find a job. Apparently it seems like most employers have the luxury of having a lot more applicants then openings. So there is a lot of competition and I am beginning to understand some of the difficulties that my clients go through looking for a job. I have a college degree, a years worth of experience at a job with a fair amount of responsibility, and I have my head pretty straight on my shoulders. I couldn’t imagine what the process would be like if I was coming off an addiction, hadn’t worked in a few years and didn’t go to college. I feel like there is something wrong when the supply and demand of the workforce is heavily stacked to the benefit of employers.

The reality is that the work force really has the power. If people stopped working the companies and structure of our economy would fall apart. But instead we have a system that has people working ever harder to stay on top of the next guy. The structures that keep that system in place squeeze ever harder on people, and the people I work with get squeezed the hardest. When I graduated college I expected and I was told that my degree would get me a job. Not so, and if my degree doesn’t carry much weight then a high school diploma means nothing.

For some people it is near impossible for them to get a job or be a productive member of society. People with felonies and limited education no matter how they try for the most part they are stuck. There are some places that are able to help. I’ve seen St. Vincent’s Culinary Program help people get training and eventually jobs, but even that help is limited. It’s limited to a very specific type of job and it takes a tremendous amount of work by a lot of people to make any progress. It’s like trying to redirect the flow of the Mississippi River.

I can see why it’s a lot easier for people to stay on a fixed income then venture out and try to get a job. The odds are stacked against people trying to find work and the odds are really stacked against the clients I work with. It’s sad and frustrating. We can say that “well this is America and the will to succeed breeds success.” But I have a feeling that that is just dream that is sold in school. The reality is the working world is cut throat and no one really cares if you make it or not. I guess that’s evolution, survival of the fittest. My feeling is that if our society keeps going the way it is going the majority of people in this county won’t be fit enough to survive. Something needs to change.

Thanks for listening to my rants and raves.
~Mike

Also this is way off topic but I just figured out how to look at the comments people write and I just wanted to say thanks for reading my blog and sharing your own experiences. I usually just post stuff up and forget about it, but I’ll have to pay more attention to what people write and make some responses. It’s really reaffirming to hear that people read what I write and that it effects people enough that they want to contribute also. Thank you for that.

Water cooler break anyone?

The last half of May has been a busy month for just about all the staff and volunteers here at the Downtown Campus of St. Vincent de Paul. For whatever reason there were more people then average coming in for services. When this happens it makes for a very fast paced work environment which can be both good and bad. I might have mentioned this before in another one of my blogs, but sometimes the lobby in our community center feels like an emergency room. There are people walking through the doors with all kinds of problems, like not being able to find a place to stay for the night or needing someone to call an ambulance for them because they are having trouble breathing. It’s just a whirl wind of activity sometimes. It’s easy to get so caught up that the day is just gone in a flash and your left wondering what you did that day.

So at some point last week in the middle of all this organized chaos I got a phone call from Carla, the secretary at the front desk. She was asking me to come down and meet with a client. I think at the time I was organizing all of my homeless court cases so I could fax them out the next day. To make a long story short I was pretty busy at the time, but I like to make myself available to the people who come through the door who need to talk to me. So I decided I would meet him.

The person who was asking for me was a guy by the name of Mike. I had met him a couple of times before but I hadn’t seen in a while. We started talking for a little and in my mind I’m waiting for him to ask me for something that he needs. Like a homeless court application, some kind of referral, a phone number, or whatever. But he didn’t need any of that. He really just wanted to chat. He was talking about the weather, and about his kid, and about how it was neat that our names were the same, and how he wanted to show me how to play a card game, and so one and so on. So it didn’t take long before I started thinking to myself “Man I really don’t have the time for this, what do you need?” This went on for about 20 minutes, and I really wanted to just get out of there. I did not want to sit and chat at all.

Then it kind of occurred to me that maybe this is good a thing. Maybe I’m supposed to just relax in this situation and go with the flow. So I started talking with him about who knows what and just kind of letting the chaos of the community center and the heavy load of work I had to do just fade into the background for five minutes. You know what? I really lightened up, and we only talked for about another five minutes then he had to leave. But it really reminded me that it’s worth while to take time to soak in life and be with the people that walk through the doors of St. Vincent’s, because life is short and relationships matter. It also showed me that I’m not just some resource for a person, which fills some need. I am also a friend to the clients of St. Vincent’s. Who knew a simple “nonsense” conversation could wake me up. It was a lesson in disguise. So cheers to chatting about nothing.

~Mike

The Odds of Helping Someone

So whenever it comes time to write a blog, I always seem to have trouble figuring out what I want to write about. I think it might be the pressure of having to find something to write about. The strange thing is that usually about the time when I’m sitting down to write the blog something happens that I want to write about, and this happened yesterday when I was about to leave work. A lady came in and just wanted to thank me for helping her find shelter over the winter. She told me that she was able to save her money and because of that, and she now has a place. I was pretty caught off guard because I see a lot more failures then I do successes. To be able to see that one person make it made my day.

I’ve found that the odds of helping someone to change themselves for the better are not very good. I see a lot of the same people come through the doors of St. Vincent de Paul day after day. After having worked here for 8 months now it’s sometimes hard to see what has changed for the better, and on the whole I don’t think much has changed for the better. I still see people struggling with addiction, I still see people without homes and sleeping on the street, and I still see people with a hopeless look in their eyes. But I’ve come to realize that if just one person is living better because of the work I’ve done or the services of St. Vincent de Paul it’s worth it. All of the heartache I’ve seen is worth the one glimpse of success. Just the knowing that it is possible for someone to live a better life gives me hope.

When I first started JVC and working for St. Vincent I wanted to start a revolution. I wanted to light fire to injustice and poverty. I thought I was going to change the world from right here in Oakland. I didn’t realize that the very tiny changes and small successes were going to be the things I remembered. San Pablo Ave. is still San Pablo Ave. whether I’m here or not. I didn’t really do anything to clean up the streets. There is still drug use, prostitution and homelessness and I’m sure there will be for many years to come. However I was a witness to the ability of people to make changes for their own lives.

The funny thing I realized was that I really didn’t have to do anything about the problems here. I only had to see the problems, and see that it was possible for people to help themselves. I heard a quote recently by a spiritual teacher that said “there are only limitations in the world so they can be challenged, and there are only struggles in the world so they can be overcome.” Struggle, limits, and pain all have their right place in the world and they aren’t wrong. When I first came out here I wanted to take that all away from the people I saw out here. I wanted to do something for them to make it stop, but all I was supposed to see was that; yes there are people struggling and in pain and to be with them in that, is all that is needed. No changes are necessary, as bad as it all looks there is a purpose for it. So I want to thank God for heartache, pain, and struggle. It makes for a good teacher.

Self Honesty

So I was having a difficult time with figuring out what to write about in the blog, as I usually do, but I thought that I should write something about being honest with people. Over the past few weeks I have come into a greater appreciation of what it means to be honest with someone. My version on honesty up until about a month ago was being whatever anyone wanted me to be in an effort to make them happy. Pretty much just doing anything anyone wanted so that they would like me. Since coming here in August I’ve worked very hard at that, filling out applications for people in homeless court, giving out vouchers for the winter shelter, and living on $500 a month. I’m not saying that none of that was beneficial for me or anyone else, but the lesson it seems to be driving home is that no matter what you think you can do to get someone to like you, you have to like yourself first. Only then will people respect and understand who you are.

I realized this first hand when we tired to give out bag lunches last week. As some people may know we as an organization have had a bit of trouble trying structure the incoming people in the dining room. People come round and round without regard to the effort or work put into creating the meal, and much of the second and third meals are thrown away. So last Wednesday we started handing out bag lunches for the people who needed a meal. Our policy is that each person gets only one meal. Last week we tried to enforce that, and I decided to put myself on the front line. I decided that I would be the one to pull people out of line if I knew they already had a lunch. It didn’t take long for someone to get upset with me. The first guy I pulled out pretty much looked like he wanted to kill me. I was kind of expecting that so it didn’t bother me so much. There was also another guy there who was intent on getting in even though he had already had a lunch, and pushed he way through and everyone who was there had to escort him out.

After a whole morning of that I realized something, that it was ok to say no, and that the reality was that there were a lot of people who were putting in their time, effort, and money to help people and we all deserved to be treated with respect. Not walked all over. So I was honest with everyone and let them know that we were not going to flex the rules for anyone or take anyone’s crap. It was a huge lesson for me to learn that. I learned that I could speak honestly with someone even if it hurt them and know I was still being loving to both them and myself. It wasn’t the lesson that I thought I would learn devoting my time to a service organization but hey as Forest Gump would say “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.”

~Mike

Ethics

So I’ve recently come across a situation where I’ve had to question what does it really mean to “help” people, and where does helping stop and enabling start. This month for homeless court I submitted 18 clients for court in April. One client in particular, we’ll call him Joe, took a lot of time to work on his case and make sure that he had a lot of information to show his progress. He probably stopped in twice a week to make sure his case was set. Because of his citation he needed a substance abuse verification to show the court that he has been in recovery and is taking his recovery seriously. He did bring in a verification to show his recovery and it seemed like he was on his way to improving his life.

After I submitted the files on Thursday, Joe came into ask me again how his case was doing. I wasn’t surprised by his diligence in coming and checking up on his file. I was surprised to find out that he was drunk though. I smelled liquor all over his breath, and all I could think of was “great I just sent this guy to court saying he’s recovered and he’s obviously not.” I really felt like I was being taken advantage of. Like the program I run is just a joke, a freebee to help people stay out of trouble a little longer. I don’t want to feel like that about a program that I take a lot of pride in. It’s a hard call for me to make whether to take him out of the program or just let him go through. In a sense I feel like I’m not doing him any good in the long run to just pretend like I didn’t see it. He won’t be anymore recovered. My reputation as a responsible person that gives The Alameda Homeless Court, acceptable clients that are on their way to bettering their lives, won’t be bettered by me sending him through. Yet still he is a friend of mine, and it would be a much easier process for the both of us if I just looked the other way. But it wouldn’t feel right.

This really calls into play my interactions with everyone here especially the people that walk through the doors of St. Vincent’s. When do I demand someone to take some responsibility for their actions? Even when I have the power to take the responsibility for them, and which is the easier route. It’s a hard call. I consider myself a loving person, and I don’t want to see anyone struggle or hurt, but I’ve realized that struggle and hurt are an inevitable part of life that everyone must deal with, and it’s a disservice to keep anyone from that. It stunts their growth, and mine. I feel as though I have been a little idealistic with the way I interact with the clients of St. Vincent de Paul. They are people just like everyone else and we all have our crap that we’ve got to face. It’s a common saying that God is in the poor, and I believe that, but God is telling me to let the poor work for their own salvation, and not try to save them myself. God will take their burden not me.

~Mike

Inspiration

I’ve been thinking a lot about what can get people out of a rut they may be in and I feel as though being inspired by someone else may be the thing that some people need. I’ve found that feelings are contagious, both bad and good. When you’re around someone who is upbeat and full of energy you can’t help but feel the same way, and when you are around despair and hopelessness you can’t help but feel that too. I lot of the people that I interact with here at St. Vincent’s have had to grow up in or are currently in a situation where other people’s helplessness, hopelessness, and despair rub off on them every minute of everyday. I’m proud to say though that the people who volunteer in the men’s center take it all in stride, but even the best of us need people to look up to. So I want to know where does motivation and inspiration lie in the people that I work with. I will hopefully answer that question on Friday when we have our special topics meeting in the men’s center.

I’ve recently started a men’s special topics group where I come up with a topic and try and stimulate some discussion about it. The idea is that we will all be able to learn from each others experiences, and gain knowledge that we didn’t have before. Last week I had someone come in and talk about their experiences with drugs and alcohol, and how they were able to change their life around for the better. It was really an amazing thing because this person had come from the streets to St. Vincent’s and totally changed his life around in the course of about three years. He was then able to give back to where he came from and maybe be able to help someone else. It was an inspirational thing to see.

So what inspirers people? Is it the men and women who try to break boundaries, like going to the moon or fighting for civil rights? Is it the person who walks an old lady across the street, and reminds you that there is some decency in the world? Could it be the child at daycare that goes over and hugs another child because they are crying? Or maybe it’s yourself when you realize that you are an inspiration to others and have to live rightly and justly to make the world a better place. For everyone I could ask that to I would get a different answer. I’m hoping to find that answer for the homeless men of the men’s center so I can better understand what might bring someone out of that hopeless place that so many people find themselves in.
~Mike

Structures of Violence

So I feel like it’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog. I think it’s because I wasn’t too fond of the last one I wrote, I wasn’t quite all that inspired when I wrote it. But I’ve been thinking a lot about what keeps people stuck in homelessness and poverty? I was trying to come up with some answers about why poverty is here and alive in the most developed and powerful country on earth, and something popped into my head in a speech I heard given by a priest who was doing work in El Salvador. His entire speech was about “structures of violence” and how they effected the people of El Salvador. His definition for a structure of violence was any institution, idea, or continuing circumstance that limits people from their full potential. So I began to think about what structures of society keep people stuck and don’t allow for people to have an opportunity to change.

I let this question sink in for a while and all of a sudden things started popping out at me that I felt might be part of this structure of violence. I was going to the bank the other day to get my first credit card and the banker was telling me about what the interest rates for the card were. It was something to the effect of 16.99% apr. It occurred to me that when the bank borrows my money they give me a 3.5% interest rate, but when I borrow their money I have to pay a 16.99% interest rate. It would seem that any reasonably minded person would say “Haha you gotta be kidding me I don’t want your money for 16.99%” and walk out of there.” Except that you need this thing called a good credit rating to rent an apartment or buy a house. So you need to spend money to get this “good” credit rating but you can’t spend too much or you get hit with high interest rates or fees. I would say that’s kind of limiting my freedom or anyone else’s who wants to rent an apartment or own a home.

The reality is that in order to function “successfully” in our society you must be indebted to someone. Which sounds kind of like slavery to me. It doesn’t surprise me that some people like a lot of my clients choose to live outside of that system as best they can, by maybe living on the streets or not owning much, but end up getting arrested or persecuted for being different and outside the box.

I see all the people who walk through St. Vinnny’s who have bad credit and can’t get affordable housing. They end up having to pay $800.00 a month for a small studio with a shared bathroom. Doesn’t make sense. Seems kind of like one of these structures of violence to me. Once you’re indebted to the system you can’t get out, and not only can you not get out but the longer you’re in that system the harder it is to get out. The thing is that we’re all stuck in it. Some are just more stuck then others, and on a day to day basis I see some pretty stuck people.

Another place I see this is with Social Security. Funny the name is pretty fitting and I just noticed it now. It is a system that keeps social structures intact, secure. Some people are at the top and some people are at the bottom. Some people will say “well social security keeps the economy running and doesn’t allow people to fall flat on their face if financially something doesn’t work out”, and I agree it does do that. But it also keeps some people so secure that they don’t look for new potentials. The only thing to look forward to is that next check. They don’t look for the new and creative job that lies right around the corner or the truth of themselves that they can be who ever they want to be at anytime. We only feed off of what we are given and with social security that’s not much. Don’t get me wrong some people do need it. But it’s a severely flawed system that keeps more people trapped then it does help people.

I feel like I could go on and on with more examples of the structures of violence, but I wanted to say just one more thing. And that is that these structures are not caused by one person or industry or organization. It’s not “the rich” or George Bush’s fault. It caused by a collective fear that we need this structure to survive. There is a fear that if it’s not there we will not survive. So everyone keeps on chugging along trying to just survive through the day. One of my favorite quotes is “that there’s no love in fear.” As long as we are afraid of change and the unknown there is no love. When we try to control our own destinies we end up not being able to love.

My challenge to everyone who reads this blog is only to see if you can just notice theses structures that we live in and notice how they affect you and other people. You don’t have to try and change any of it, just notice it and try to form your own personal opinion about it. If you don’t see any of these things that I’m talking about that’s OK too. But if you look you might just be surprised.

Thanks for listening to my rants and raves I feel like I just had to get this out. It’s been on my mind. I have a feeling this might offend some people or maybe you might agree with me. Either way if you feel inspired to; leave a comment.

~Mike

Updates #2

Over the past few months St. Vincent’s has really experimented with its programs for the guests that walk through its doors. One by one these pilot programs are finishing up and the managers, staff, and interns are able to take a step back and evaluate what they’ve put together and where they want to move forward. For the most part the programs have been very successful. A basic computer class was setup by one of our interns in the men’s center. It was an 8 week program that taught students everything from turning on a computer to setting up an email account. We recently had a graduation ceremony for all the students who stuck with it until the end.

The Kitchen of Champions is moving along with its second graduating class, and a graduation ceremony was held for the three graduates. It was really a sight needed to be seen to be fully appreciated. The program was well put together and seemed to be a little more “well oiled” then the first graduation. The highlight of the ceremony was both Marilyn King’s keynote speech and the student’s speeches. Marilyn King is a two time Olympian, and in her speech she talked about how she stumbled onto greatness by just having a willingness to give something a try. She acknowledged the student’s willingness to try something new and noted that it was a big step for each of them to participate in the Kitchen of Champions.

She started off by telling everyone a little bit or her story. While she was attending a pentathlon state championship the officials asked for a volunteer to participate in the meet because there were only two people competing and a third was needed to make the meet official. So she gave it a shot. To make a long story short, with a lot of self motivation and commitment to herself she went from having never competed in the pentathlon to going to the Olympics in 1972 and 1976 in a few short years.

After Marilyn spoke each of the students got a turn say a few words. Christine was the first to speak she wrote a little motivational poem and read it to the audience. Leon was the next to speak and he talked about how he just wanted to give back to the people who don’t have much, and that his belief in god and treating his fellow men and women with dignity is what brought him to St. Vincent’s and what keeps him here. The last to speak was Dolores who told everyone about how she promised her kids that she would graduate from the culinary class no matter what it took. It was a special time for all the graduates and everyone who was at the ceremony.

In addition to all the things that are finishing up and coming to an end there are some new projects coming about in the near future. For the past several months the new Men’s center has been under construction and will be done in the very soon. We have already started moving furniture and office supplies to the new center and it should be opened up sometime in early February. We will also be starting a bible study/spirituality group for both men and women in the community center. It will be a trial program to see how it goes. It should work out well and will fill a need for spiritual nourishment of the people who walk through the doors of St. Vincent’s. That’s about it I just wanted to give everyone some updates on what going on in and around St. Vincent’s.

Back in Oakland

Walking around Oakland on my first day back from a bit of a vacation, I couldn’t help but be glad to be back. As much as I enjoyed being back home and not having to live off my $100 dollar a month stipend, it didn’t feel like home. I feel like I’ve come to adopt this city as my home town. I didn’t expect coming back to Oakland to realize how much my life has changed. Between living simply and working with the people that I do the life I used to have back home looks a lot different. My friends and family are still back there but I feel as though my outlook has changed considerably. When I went back home I noticed how easy it was to distract myself from boredom, loneliness or any other unpleasant feelings I might have had. I did that with a lot of playing videogames, spending money on dinners, going out to the bars with my friends, and driving my brother’s brand new car. All that in fun, but I felt disconnected from people in general, and disconnected from any unpleasant feelings I might have been having.

So when I got back to Oakland there has been a noticeable adjustment period to going back to simple living and finding things to do that don’t cost too much money. It took an adjustment to not be distracted anymore. It kind of hit home last night when I was really bored and instead of calling up my friends and deciding which bar to go to or playing videogames long into the night I went to an NA meeting at St. Vincent’s (A little odd I know). But in all honesty it was the highlight of the last few weeks for me. The speakers they had were extremely eloquent and captured the audience’s attention better then anyone I have ever seen. I walked into a place where a group of people were devoted to helping each other to stay free of their distractions; drugs and alcohol. The people at that NA meeting were not trying to run from any unpleasant feelings they may have been having but tried to embrace them as a step in recovery. I immediately felt at home, and I felt a renewed motivation of my purpose here in JVC and volunteering at St. Vincent’s. It’s about people helping other people through their struggles and watching them grow, that’s why I came here in the first place and that why I’m excited to be back.

It feels a bit like settling in for the long haul, no more long vacations, going home, or taking a break from simple living. It feels like I just got out of the convenience store with snacks and candy in hand ready for a long car ride. There’s not a sense of drudgery about the journey but knowing that it’s going to be like this for a while so I’d better get used to the simple lifestyle and community living. There is also an excitement that when it’s all said and done I will be in a new place that I’ve never been before.

Truths

I thought that this blog would be a good way to get the stories of the clients across to the public. It is often times very surprising hearing the ways in which clients end up in homelessness. There are the stereotypical types of situations in which someone becomes homeless because of drugs or alcohol. But many times there are other factors and situations that play into someone’s homelessness. There are a great number of people here at St. Vincent’s because of layoffs, divorce, and personal or family illness. It took a long time for me to find someone that would be willing to put their story online in this blog. But I finally found someone brave enough to do it. J.R. let me write down is his story so I could share it in this blog. I was interested in his path to homelessness and what experiences led him there. And so this is his story from his mouth.





I grew up in Salinas California, where I lived with my two brothers six sisters. My sisters are older and my brothers are younger. I’m the oldest of my siblings that hasn’t been married. The closest I got to marriage was living with one of my girlfriends. My life began to change for me when I decided to move to Oakland with her five years ago. I moved to Oakland in 2002 because I got fired from my job that I had in Salinas. I came because my girlfriend told me that she could help me find a job in Oakland. She knew a few people and she got me hired at the dollar store but I didn’t really like that job so I only stayed there for a month. I then found a job at the Oakland airport that I had for about 3 years. I wasn’t really qualified for the job but I had the connections so I got in.

The first four months of my job were really hard. I was a fuel filler of the air planes at the Oakland airport. It took me a long time to figure out how to do that job. Once I got the idea of how to do it I began to really enjoy it. My boss and co workers also really enjoyed me working there. They would ask me to come into work even on my days off to help out because I was such a good worker. My girlfriend at the time was beginning to have some drug problems which was when everything started to go downhill.

I was working all the time trying to make ends meet with my girlfriend. She wasn’t working but she was getting a check so I was able to put away some money. Then she started getting into drugs really bad. Things began to change fast. She began stealing from me. She ended up stealing money from my savings account, until I was broke, and at one point she stole my work truck so I was able to get to work but I had to take the bus. Her drug addiction put a tremendous amount of stress on me, and my work also began to suffer. It took me two hours to walk to work each day. I was just trying to make some money to survive.

My girlfriend was continuing to use. It got to the point where I became so burnt out and I looked so out of shape that my co workers knew something was up. They thought I was using drugs. The rumors spread fast and my co workers lost trust in me. Without anyone helping me to take care of the bills I wasn’t able to pay rent. Pretty soon we were living on the streets. Even though she stole my truck I didn’t want to turn her into the police because I cared about her a lot. I knew she needed help but I didn’t know what to do. Her addiction dragged us both down in this hole I haven’t really been able to get out of.

Even though I was upset about the damage she caused me I was glad she was still alive. I was fired from work and I was so ashamed to see my co workers that I didn’t pick up my last check for two months. I went from loving my job and being loved by my co workers to nothing in a matter of months. When I finally went to go get my last check it hit me this is the last check I’m ever going to get, and it depressed the hell out of me. I had nothing. I never thought that this kind of thing would happen to me.


I spent most of my time feeding the geese and pigeons because I had nothing else to do and I was very depressed. Even though she left me to go get high, I was still looking for her and I still wanted her to be in my life. There were times when I would just be walking around and praying for her to return. I didn’t give up hope in her. Finally she got clean for a while but the drug still had a hold of her and she went back to it after a while. I tried to push her to get clean, but it seemed to fall apart. We argued a lot and things didn’t seem to work. I believed that in order for her to come clean I had to have some faith, but the more I tried the more she pulled away from me. Drug dealers feed on the weak and that’s what they did with her. I tried my best to keep her alive. I was so angry at her, and that anger stuck around through the rest of the relationship. We could have had so much if she didn’t get involved in drugs.

Then things started happening with St. Vincent’s like being in Seldom Seen and working and volunteering in the men’s center. I didn’t want to do this run around with her anymore. Especially when I made the cover of the Tribune I knew I had to get out of that situation. We ended up going our separate ways. I’m glad that happened and that she ended up getting clean and getting out of the drug scene and I was able to focus on my life. The day that she left I finally realized what had I done. I was sad to see her leave. I was sad because I was going to be alone. I was happy I did something that was going to make her life better, and I’m sure that she loves me for it. The way I see it is that I gave her something no one else gave her I gave her peace of mind. That was what I wanted for her. It was my goal. When I knew she had a place to say and was clean I had some peace of mind also. I was happy she was OK and off the streets. She also knows that I can’t be with her because I have to finish what I stated here in Oakland. No matter what happens now I know I did the right thing for her and me, I have complete confidence that that was the right decision.

I found myself happy for doing something I love doing. I feel like acting in Seldom Seen is my ticket out and off the streets. It gives me hope to do something I love. I am proud of what I have accomplished for myself and my family is proud of me. They know what I’m doing and are happy for me, and I am very happy that I made the decision to change my life. For anyone who reads this and knows someone who is using drugs whether it is a girlfriend, boyfriend, or parent. Know that you may want to push them to get better but you don’t want to push them too hard or they will you push away. And always have faith and believe in them that they will get better. I hope that someday I will be able to get back on my feet and recover from this. I want to get a part time job and be able to put this behind me. Believe in yourself because if you want change the only person who can do it is you. As log as you have faith and belief in yourself you can do anything you want to do in your life. I would not have been able to get though this without the man above my belief in him helped me out a lot.





One of my clients once told me that when you listen to someone’s story you are listening to their truths. I want to thank J.R. for sharing his truth with me and for his bravery in sharing his truth with whoever reads this. It takes a strong and giving person to be able offer themselves and others this kind of personal openness. Many times we get so caught up in what we are doing right now or what we have to do in the future that we forget how we got where we are, we forget what joys and what struggles we’ve had to go through to get to this point; right now. It’s good to be able to reflect on that from time to time and thank ourselves for being who we are because no one is the same or replaceable.
~Mike

Updates

I wanted to use this blog as an update of what’s been going on around St. Vincent’s. Again as always there have been a lot of changes going on at St. Vincent’s. In the last month a new computer class was launch with the help of Derrick and one of the interns at the Men’s center by the name of Mike. There is a huge need for many of our clients to have computer skills. They are at a disadvantage when applying to jobs because they lack the necessary knowledge of operating a computer. So we tried to level the playing field a little by starting a computer class. Many of the clients really enjoy it and have been coming back day after day. Mike has been able to show people how to access email, run Word and other programs, and I believe he has showed a few people how to write resumes using the computer. It’s been a big help to the clients and it’s great to see how much Mike enjoys it as well. He’s been able to use his skills to help people out.

I would also like to say that I sat in on a special works committee meeting yesterday and we talked about trying to find way to get people involved in these programs. These are great opportunities for both Vincentians and drop in volunteers to help run programs like these. Knowledge about computers, dietary and heath needs of clients, and even money management and life skills are all things that volunteers can help out with. It really is a great thing when not only can a client learn skills from a volunteer but a volunteer is able to know that they provided a lot of good help, and maybe learned a few things themselves.

Speaking of volunteers I thought I would also mention that Chris who was the volunteer coordinator at St. Vincent’s is no longer working here. After a year’s time he decided to move to another organization in San Francisco. Where I’m sure he will do well with his large inventory of creative ideas.

We also had a homeless court this month here at St. Vincent’s which went really well. There were a total of 20 cases that were seen by the judge with 10 of them coming from St. Vincent de Paul. All the clients had an opportunity to have their cases dismissed provided that they showed significant progress. I got a chance to sit in on homeless court this month and it is a nerve racking time both for the clients and myself as I watch them take the stand. I know that the majority of them have taken long hard strides to better themselves and I have tried my best to present that to the court. So in a way I feel like we are both taking the stand. But because of our combined efforts they are able to put the past behind them, and what a relief it is for them.

In the dining room and kitchen Thanksgiving was a huge undertaking for both the volunteers and students in the Kitchen of Champions program. They prepared something on the order of 70 turkeys with equal sized portions of stuffing, gravy, vegetables, and pie. When it was all said and done 800 people were given Thanksgiving dinner. Quite an accomplishment. A lot of people worked a lot of hours to have that run smoothly, also lot of people spent their holiday here at St. Vincent’s preparing the meal. So thank you to all of them.

Going along with Thanksgiving the Christmas give away is coming up. We are expecting to give gifts, clothes for kids and gift certificates to 300 families this year. We are asking for donations because every little bit helps. And to people who have already donated we thank you it makes the jobs of the people working here a lot easier when there are plenty of donations and it makes a lot of families holidays brighter.

The winter shelter has also opened up this month with 100 beds for people in West Oakland. There are 14 organizations in Oakland and Berkeley that do intakes for the winter shelter so a lot of people are served in a wide area. St. Vincent de Paul has the largest allotment of beds for Oakland. It is a good program that helps a lot of people get off the streets for the winter and actually Steve the old manager of the men’s center at St. Vincent’s is the one running the winter shelter. It’s nice that I get a chance to meet up with Steve once again, since he was a big part of my coming out here, and the clients get a chance to see him again.

This blog is a little choppy but I wanted to give everyone a quick rundown of what’s been going on here at the downtown campus for the last month. This is a place of moving and shaking and nothing ever quite stays the same, but that’s what makes it interesting here. That’s it for now. Mike

Inspiring Chaos (it's not what you think)

I’ve been at St. Vincent de Paul for three months now. Those three months have flown by for me. I think that it is the busyness of my schedule that keeps me unaware of the time throughout the day. My day is not measured in hours but measured in the number of people I meet. Very rarely do I come across a day saying “I wish this day wasn’t taking so long” in fact it usually just the opposite, I wish I had more time. Between the number of programs we offer here and the shear volume of clients we serve it keeps the days short. The only other job I’ve had that experience in was at a summer camp I used to work at with 15 college employees and 90 teenage kids. The same whirlwind atmosphere of 50 kids playing dodge ball is surprisingly similar to the in and out of hundreds of faces a day at St. Vincent’s. It’s an organized chaos. Sometimes it’s hekka confusing (see Oakland is rubbing off on me), when trying to keep track of Ms. Jones homeless court application, planning an outreach meeting, getting cookies for the kids in the visitation center, and trying to eat lunch. But there is a quote that my roommate Julia told me, (*brownie points*) that says that “confusion is a state of grace”. Never have I seen that more true then at St. Vincent’s.
One striking example of this grace that seems to be present at St. Vincent’s showed itself today. The public defender was doing intakes for homeless court here at St. Vincent’s. There were about 20 clients or so waiting to see her, and it took about 10 minutes to see each person. So the people towards the end of the list ended up waiting for about 2 hours, and for anyone who hasn’t been into the community center at St. Vincent’s there are no coffee tables with magazines on them. The only thing to keep people occupied is talking to the person next to them or people watching at the front door. So it was a long wait. As the people were finishing up seeing the public defender I had to run off and meet with another client. I asked one of my co-workers to watch the list and call off the names of the people who still hadn’t seen the public defender. To make a long story short one of my clients was missed in the fray of whirlwind activity in the community center and ended up missing out on his meeting with the public defender. I was in a panic because this guy had been waiting for so long for his meeting and missed it. I wanted to make sure he “had his day in court”. I told him he missed the meeting and all he said to me was “OK. No problem. I’ll try for next month.” I was floored and humbled.
See I pride myself on my patience. Being the oldest of 5 and having worked with kids for the last 6 summers I have developed a very patient personality. But it definitely gets tested from time to time and with the busyness that was going on today I was definitely reaching my limit. But this one act of calm collected patience, by a man who is 19 by the way, made my day go from chaotic and confused to absolutely positive that God is present here. Thank you Yosseph. If you spend enough time here you will see what I’m talking about its all around you just have to notice it. And it’s not always perfect here by any means but those times when you catch the Devine at work, are worth all those trivial matters that might be annoying you during the day. That’s it for this entry.

Mike

And the Winner Is...

And the winner is… All the graduating St. Vincent De Paul interns. We held a ceremony yesterday for everyone who participated in the champion work force for at least six months. It was an honor to have seen the graduates take the stage. Many of them I had worked with as co-workers over the last 2 ½ months and have become pretty close to. There was an air of accomplishment for everyone there. The graduation ceremony was the culmination of a lot of hard work on the part of graduates and staff alike.

All of the people taking the stage were at one time clients of St. Vincent De Paul, and had worked their way through the champion workforce to become paid interns. I know for me personally it was an inspiring experience to see everyone up on the stage. Seeing J.R. (Jose Rodriguez), Sonia Munoz, Daniel Pena, Carolyn Malbrough, and everyone else speak on stage just solidified the fact for me that this place does a lot of good for people. Everyone who got up on stage thanked the staff and the organization of St. Vincent’s for giving them the opportunity that helped them get where they are today. I know that the staff was also very grateful for the hard work that the graduates put into their own lives to overcome challenges that may have stood in their way.
I think that it is important to recognize all the people that graduated as a testament to the graduates and Society’s hard work.

The graduates of the St. Vincent De Paul Champion Workforce are…

Donna B, Michael J, Rochelle ,
Alan N, Portia B, Sonia M,
Gary C, Roderick G, Carolyn M,
Wayne P, Charles H, Folami B,
Daniel P, Duane M, Sheri P,
Bobby S, Issac O,
Susie J, Jose R,
Ldia R, Phillip W,
Nadia R, Lillie H,
Dennis F, Johnny W,
Gilbert J, Lyndon W

I think that everyone who graduated from the champion workforce had to do one of the hardest things any man or women can do, and that is to change. They all had to make the choice to turn their lives around and do something different. St. Vincent’s was the vehicle to help them do that. I’ll end this blog with a quote by Sir Edmund Hilary, who was the first person to climb Mt. Everest. “It’s not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” I believe all the graduating interns reached the tops of their mountains yesterday, and are on their way to climbing ever higher and higher peaks.

~Mike

A Learning Experience

When I began to write this blog I really did not know what I wanted to write. There were a lot of things that I wanted to say but I wasn’t sure how to write them down. There has been a lot going on at St. Vincent’s and I wanted to talk about that but I also really wanted to talk about my own personal experiences here. Over the last month I have felt blessed to have been working with the clientèle that I work with. I know that my managers won’t like to here this but my favorite part of the day is when I can sit and just listen to the stories of the men and women I serve. The main thing that this does for me is break the stereo types in my head of who a “homeless” person is and how a person gets homeless. I have talked to many people who have been relatively well off and because of a personal tragedy or a few poorly made financial decisions have fallen off their path and now struggle to make better lives for themselves. Sure there are drug addicts and mentally ill people that I see, but their stories and unique personalities far outweigh those labels.

I continually remind myself to never lose sight of the fact that I deal with human beings that on some days might get on my bad side but on others days surprise the hell out of me. Take for example one of the men I work with and a friend of mine in the men’s center who takes part in the Seldom Seen Acting Company and made front page of the Tribune on Friday. I felt honored to know this man, and I can say that he brought a spirit of joy and accomplishment to everyone in this organization and to homeless men and women all over the city. On behalf of St. Vincent De Paul of Alameda County, we just wanted to say thank you J.R. and Seldom Seen Acting Company and everyone involved. With one performance you managed to move a whole organization one step closer to it’s realization of being a versatile, sustainable, and most importantly helpful place for everyone who walks through it’s doors, clients and employees alike.

The theme of my last blog entry was the many transitions and changes going on at St. Vincent’s. There has been more of the same since last month. Just briefly I wanted to talk about a few of the many changes that have been taking place here at St. Vincent’s. As I mentioned in the last blog the Culinary Academy was starting up it is now up and running, with 5 students. They have made some of the best meals I have ever had here at St. Vincent’s, and the clients agree.

We also have has several new additions to the St. Vincent’s family. A new intern by the name of Nick has been working with me doing homeless court and working in the men’s center. He is a junior at St. Mary’s college and is originally from Sacramento. There is also a new Manager in the men’s center by the name of Derrick Ross, who comes to St. Vincent’s with many years of experience in the social services field. He used to work over at St. Mary’s when it was right across the street. We also have a new marriage/ family therapist by the name of Sandra working with clients from the men’s and women’s centers. She has had experience working with victims of domestic violence, substance abuse and troubled youth. She is currently pursuing a Master’s degree at Holy Names University. One last thing is that Seldom Seen Acting Company had its first performance of the season last Thursday which as I mentioned earlier was a huge success. Just check the Tribune’s website

(http://www.insidebayarea.com/search/ci_7024943?IADID=Search-www.insidebayarea.com-www.insidebayarea.com).

That’s about it for now, as for upcoming blogs I would like to do a series on homeless men and women’s stories. It’s still in the planning stage so it might not be for a little bit, but it is something I would really like to do. So goodbye, until next time. ~Mike

First Impressions

My name is Mike Tyler and this is my first entry as a JVC intern here at St. Vincent de Paul. I come from a town called West Chester about 30 minutes west of Philadelphia. All my life I’ve lived on the east coast so moving out to Oakland and deciding to live on an $85 a month stipend has been quite an adventure. I would describe the first few weeks of working at St. Vincent similarly.

I got a chance to work for a few days with my predecessor Paul Nichols who showed me the ropes of St. Vincent and the homeless court. I’m glad I got the opportunity to learn from him because it made the transition a lot easier on both the St. Vincent Organization and I. After talking to Paul and Steve about the responsibilities this job came with I have to admit I was a little intimidated. “You have big shoes to fill” was the quote I most heard when talking to people about taking Paul’s spot. I was also on hand to witness Paul’s going away party where there was a lot of appreciation showed for the work Paul had done. I had some mixed feelings about this; on one hand I was proud of Paul for the work he was able to accomplish, and on the other hand I was thinking how am I going to be able to live up to his accomplishments. That feeling was short lived though. I soon started to find my rhythm and groove in the way things run around St. Vincent.

Another thing I wanted to talk about was the transitions that St. Vincent’s has been going through over the last few weeks since I have been here. One of the biggest changes that I believe has affected the most people, especially the clients of St. Vincent’s, the resignation of Steve Krank. I didn’t get much of a chance to spend a lot of time with Steve, but I know that from what I have heard from other people that Steve played a huge part in this organization and in the personal lives of the clients he worked with. As a JV I know from talking to Paul and even reading the notes of past JV’ers that Steve was thought of very highly and considered a big part of their experience outside of St. Vincent’s. So speaking on behalf of St. Vincent’s clients and staff, Steve you will be missed.

Along with Steve leaving, major changes are going on in the kitchen as well. My roommate works in the kitchen and he keeps me up to date on the goings on there. There was a new chef hired to help start the new kitchen of champions program. He is also there to help streamline the operations of kitchen to make it a more efficient environment. The kitchen of champions program is an actual cooking school that brings people off the streets and gives them skills they can use in the workforce. The school positions are also paid. The kitchen is still in transition and the school won’t be up and running until about mid September, but the ground work is being laid to make it a worthwhile program.

Major changes are also happening with the men’s center. The clinic in the men’s center is being relocated to the visitation side of St. Vincent’s. I had the opportunity to move most of the equipment to the new clinic, and it seems as though there is a lot more space in the new clinic. It actually looks like a doctors office, its pretty nice.

I know this blog is kind of disjointed but, I’m still getting used to the fact that what I end up writing will be seen by a lot of people, so it’s a little difficult to know exactly what I want to say, but to summarize the theme of the atmosphere of St. Vincent’s right now is transition, and the expectation is that these changes that are going on are going to benefit St. Vincent’s in the future. Hopefully next time the blog gets posted things will be a little more gelled.