Self Honesty

So I was having a difficult time with figuring out what to write about in the blog, as I usually do, but I thought that I should write something about being honest with people. Over the past few weeks I have come into a greater appreciation of what it means to be honest with someone. My version on honesty up until about a month ago was being whatever anyone wanted me to be in an effort to make them happy. Pretty much just doing anything anyone wanted so that they would like me. Since coming here in August I’ve worked very hard at that, filling out applications for people in homeless court, giving out vouchers for the winter shelter, and living on $500 a month. I’m not saying that none of that was beneficial for me or anyone else, but the lesson it seems to be driving home is that no matter what you think you can do to get someone to like you, you have to like yourself first. Only then will people respect and understand who you are.

I realized this first hand when we tired to give out bag lunches last week. As some people may know we as an organization have had a bit of trouble trying structure the incoming people in the dining room. People come round and round without regard to the effort or work put into creating the meal, and much of the second and third meals are thrown away. So last Wednesday we started handing out bag lunches for the people who needed a meal. Our policy is that each person gets only one meal. Last week we tried to enforce that, and I decided to put myself on the front line. I decided that I would be the one to pull people out of line if I knew they already had a lunch. It didn’t take long for someone to get upset with me. The first guy I pulled out pretty much looked like he wanted to kill me. I was kind of expecting that so it didn’t bother me so much. There was also another guy there who was intent on getting in even though he had already had a lunch, and pushed he way through and everyone who was there had to escort him out.

After a whole morning of that I realized something, that it was ok to say no, and that the reality was that there were a lot of people who were putting in their time, effort, and money to help people and we all deserved to be treated with respect. Not walked all over. So I was honest with everyone and let them know that we were not going to flex the rules for anyone or take anyone’s crap. It was a huge lesson for me to learn that. I learned that I could speak honestly with someone even if it hurt them and know I was still being loving to both them and myself. It wasn’t the lesson that I thought I would learn devoting my time to a service organization but hey as Forest Gump would say “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.”

~Mike

Ethics

So I’ve recently come across a situation where I’ve had to question what does it really mean to “help” people, and where does helping stop and enabling start. This month for homeless court I submitted 18 clients for court in April. One client in particular, we’ll call him Joe, took a lot of time to work on his case and make sure that he had a lot of information to show his progress. He probably stopped in twice a week to make sure his case was set. Because of his citation he needed a substance abuse verification to show the court that he has been in recovery and is taking his recovery seriously. He did bring in a verification to show his recovery and it seemed like he was on his way to improving his life.

After I submitted the files on Thursday, Joe came into ask me again how his case was doing. I wasn’t surprised by his diligence in coming and checking up on his file. I was surprised to find out that he was drunk though. I smelled liquor all over his breath, and all I could think of was “great I just sent this guy to court saying he’s recovered and he’s obviously not.” I really felt like I was being taken advantage of. Like the program I run is just a joke, a freebee to help people stay out of trouble a little longer. I don’t want to feel like that about a program that I take a lot of pride in. It’s a hard call for me to make whether to take him out of the program or just let him go through. In a sense I feel like I’m not doing him any good in the long run to just pretend like I didn’t see it. He won’t be anymore recovered. My reputation as a responsible person that gives The Alameda Homeless Court, acceptable clients that are on their way to bettering their lives, won’t be bettered by me sending him through. Yet still he is a friend of mine, and it would be a much easier process for the both of us if I just looked the other way. But it wouldn’t feel right.

This really calls into play my interactions with everyone here especially the people that walk through the doors of St. Vincent’s. When do I demand someone to take some responsibility for their actions? Even when I have the power to take the responsibility for them, and which is the easier route. It’s a hard call. I consider myself a loving person, and I don’t want to see anyone struggle or hurt, but I’ve realized that struggle and hurt are an inevitable part of life that everyone must deal with, and it’s a disservice to keep anyone from that. It stunts their growth, and mine. I feel as though I have been a little idealistic with the way I interact with the clients of St. Vincent de Paul. They are people just like everyone else and we all have our crap that we’ve got to face. It’s a common saying that God is in the poor, and I believe that, but God is telling me to let the poor work for their own salvation, and not try to save them myself. God will take their burden not me.

~Mike