Back in Oakland

Walking around Oakland on my first day back from a bit of a vacation, I couldn’t help but be glad to be back. As much as I enjoyed being back home and not having to live off my $100 dollar a month stipend, it didn’t feel like home. I feel like I’ve come to adopt this city as my home town. I didn’t expect coming back to Oakland to realize how much my life has changed. Between living simply and working with the people that I do the life I used to have back home looks a lot different. My friends and family are still back there but I feel as though my outlook has changed considerably. When I went back home I noticed how easy it was to distract myself from boredom, loneliness or any other unpleasant feelings I might have had. I did that with a lot of playing videogames, spending money on dinners, going out to the bars with my friends, and driving my brother’s brand new car. All that in fun, but I felt disconnected from people in general, and disconnected from any unpleasant feelings I might have been having.

So when I got back to Oakland there has been a noticeable adjustment period to going back to simple living and finding things to do that don’t cost too much money. It took an adjustment to not be distracted anymore. It kind of hit home last night when I was really bored and instead of calling up my friends and deciding which bar to go to or playing videogames long into the night I went to an NA meeting at St. Vincent’s (A little odd I know). But in all honesty it was the highlight of the last few weeks for me. The speakers they had were extremely eloquent and captured the audience’s attention better then anyone I have ever seen. I walked into a place where a group of people were devoted to helping each other to stay free of their distractions; drugs and alcohol. The people at that NA meeting were not trying to run from any unpleasant feelings they may have been having but tried to embrace them as a step in recovery. I immediately felt at home, and I felt a renewed motivation of my purpose here in JVC and volunteering at St. Vincent’s. It’s about people helping other people through their struggles and watching them grow, that’s why I came here in the first place and that why I’m excited to be back.

It feels a bit like settling in for the long haul, no more long vacations, going home, or taking a break from simple living. It feels like I just got out of the convenience store with snacks and candy in hand ready for a long car ride. There’s not a sense of drudgery about the journey but knowing that it’s going to be like this for a while so I’d better get used to the simple lifestyle and community living. There is also an excitement that when it’s all said and done I will be in a new place that I’ve never been before.